What I Saw, Staying

This blog is a deeply personal memoir — a quiet collection of reflections written over the course of more than a year. Told in 32 short entries, these pieces trace the journey I shared with my father during his battle with cancer. In these pages, I write about moments both heavy and tender: hospital visits, sleepless nights, glimpses of fear, and flickers of strength. I stayed by his side — through confusion, courage, frustration, and love. These are not just medical updates or memories. They are the emotional footprints of what it meant to be present. To endure. To hold on. Every post here is part of that journey. There are no numbered chapters, but if you scroll through in order, you’ll walk with me — step by step — through a story of staying, witnessing, and remembering. This is not just what happened — it’s what I saw, staying.

  Back in 2020, one night in February, when I was in Bangalore, I got a call from my father around 8 PM, and he said “He was driving back from the office and experiencing extreme pain in the abdomen area”. I was worried and asked him, ‘Where was he exactly ?’. I asked him to immediately turn the car into a nearby hospital, which is 3–4 km away from the place he said he was at. He was hesitant and worried about going to the hospital but then I asked him to ‘Just stop there for a while and go to the restroom’. Because I thought he would at least get temporary relief if he had been to the restroom. After 5–10 minutes, I called him back and enquired about his pain and condition. He said, “The pain was relieved and will slowly drive back home”. I asked him to ‘slowly reach home and call me immediately if you face any problem’. He went home, took a bath, went to my aunt’s house, ate some food, took a pill, relaxed for 1–2 hours, and went back home and slept. I called him the next day, he...

  It was the second week of March 2020, when everyone was worried about news of COVID-19 in India. Then, I was in Bangalore. My father asked me to come home for a few days and even my brother urged me to do the same. Even, I thought of going home and working on the paperwork required for me to move abroad for MS (I will talk about this in one of the upcoming blogs). A week later, when my father was having leisure time, I discussed about the paperwork and initiated it. One week later from then, the Government of India announced a LOCKDOWN to control the spread of COVID-19 —  The  Lockdown has Locked me in my home I thought this was going to be the first time for me to spend so long at home in the last 10 years (as I stayed away from home in hostels and pursued education) 2 months of lockdown has turned out to be…………12 months and still counting…….. WHY?  — — →

  On One Saturday afternoon in the starting weeks of April, I and my father were dining at my aunt’s house and came back after spending some time there. After a few hours, my father started feeling discomfort. He started feeling Nausea and Vomiting and it was so horrible as it continued to midnight 1:00 AM. On that day we thought that it might be because of food poisoning and he will be alright within a day or two. The next morning he went to the office and when he came back, he said he was experiencing the same problem it continued for a week, and every day, I used to take him for a short drive on a bike for relaxation. So, that he would at least feel comfortable, and if he was having nausea, then we would purchase soda and he would drink that slowly. So, everything that was troubling him inside used to come out and he would feel relaxed. Few days he suffered a lot, and sometimes, he wouldn’t sleep all night because of continuous vomiting. The worst part was we couldn’t continuous...

  In the afternoon, when he was having leisure, my father visited the Multi-speciality hospital in the city. He met Dr.B.Rajesh (Gastroenterologist). The doctor has advised the Endoscopy procedure. But, as I said before due to Nosocomephobia(in a positive context). My father requested medicines and the doctor has given a prescription with the assumption of a stomach ulcer. He felt relaxed after carefully using medicines and following a diet for the next 15 days (till the course of medicines). Two days later, he again started feeling discomfort and due to the unbearable difficulties (he was going through), he said “I will undergo Endoscopy, I can’t bear this continuous vomiting”. I also went to the hospital for an Endoscopy procedure and it was scheduled at 9:00 AM but because of technical problems, it was delayed by 2 hours. He came out of the endoscopy room within 30 minutes (as it is a simple procedure). The nurse has asked me to wait downstairs in the doctor’s consultation room ...

  I, my father, and one of my father’s cousins had been to the doctor’s room. Doctor:  ‘Whatever you eat will come out, it can’t go beyond the  pyloric antrum  and you might need surgery for this and better be prepared for it’. Me:  Doctor!   What can be the temporary solution? So, that he can eat something to get energy. Doctor:  I will give you the prescription, use those medicines and be only on a liquid diet. But I don’t think it will help you. You need to undergo surgery soon. The doctor sent me and my father outside and asked my father’s cousin to stay. My father and I got a bit scared and my father seemed anxious too. After some time, when I asked my uncle what did the doctor say to him. He was not answering, then when I asked him again and again,  he said that the doctor had taken the tissue while performing an endoscopy and sent it for the culture as he(the doctor) was doubtful that it was a malignant tumour.  The hospital has asked ...

  I, my father, and one of my father’s cousins had again been to the doctor’s room after a week. Conversation between my father and doctor Doctor:  Hi Sir! How are you doing now? Father:  I felt good and fine until I used the course of medicines, which is prescribed by you. After the course has been completed, from the next day itself, there is discomfort again and I am suffering a lot, sir. Doctor:  Please be prepared for Surgery and make up your mind to it! The doctor asked my father to wait outside and asked us to stay in the room. Doctor:  The reports in the tests confirm that your father is having malignant tumour ( CANCER ) and if you want, you can collect slides and blocks on which tests are performed (at the lab) Me:  I remained Silent BUT {Inside and In my mind} I was a bit shocked and felt nervous!! because I strongly believed that the test results will be negative, as he is a teetotaller and non-smoker. Doctor:  You are so young to visit a c...